Big Change Using Feedback
“We are all overwhelmed, but fewer people also means less friction!” This was the reply I received when I checked in on a former client who I knew had been struggling with some drama and chaos between members of his team.
On the one hand, his problem of unhealthy conflicts leading to drama was resolved when a few team members chose to leave. On the other hand, given the job market and lack of available qualified staff for his specialty business, it meant that everyone else had to pick up the slack.
So my question to you is: Which is better?
Being short-staffed and overworked without all the friction and drama.
Or being fully staffed and having to deal with drama and unhealthy conflict caused by a few employees who struggle to manage their emotional energy and communication.
What if you could have it all?
What if you could be fully staffed and everyone was accountable to manage their emotional energy and use appropriate communication?
I don’t think it is a coincidence that just before I received his response I had a phone consultation with another CEO who is struggling with similar issues.
She reported that her small team had a great work culture until a new hire was made. The person hired has a very unique skill set and certification. He was hired to grow a business line and did so in a short time. And as good as he is at the work, he communicates with an edge that puts others off.
The CEO came to me because the entire team is now upset by this one person’s communication. She had tried to give feedback and to hold a team meeting where people shared their grievances. The feedback fell on deaf ears and the team meeting ended with tears and people threatening to quit.
“I don’t have the skills to deal with this”, she said.
When I asked for examples of how the feedback was delivered, what I heard was informal, off the cuff comments. I did not hear facts. I did not hear her state what the gap was that needed to be closed. And I did not hear what the concrete expectations were for how communication was to happen.
She was essentially trying to keep it casual in order to not upset the employee.
If you want to be able to have a harmonious, full team with minimal friction, you will need to become comfortable with giving effective feedback.
As I said in the consult, sometimes giving feedback is very direct. It can sound like when you are holding the hand of a small child while preparing to cross a busy street.
If they start to step out into traffic, you don’t hint or use a feedback sandwich.
You make a clear statement for them to “Stop”. Then, once everyone has safely crossed, you identify the behavior that is not acceptable, tell them the behavior that is acceptable, and then ask them what different choices they will make next time.
Remember, it is your job to lead in a way that keeps the workplace emotionally safe for everyone. Including the person who is communicating in hurtful ways.
If your employees are talking to each other in hurtful, disrespectful ways, here’s a few things to check in on:
What communication behaviors do you model?
Are communication expectations and norms clearly understood?
Do you promptly address staff members who talk to each other disrespectfully?
Do you give clear, concrete feedback that identifies what the expectations are and how the staff person is not meeting them?
Many of us don’t feel prepared to give effective feedback or to facilitate sessions where all employees are asked to air their grievances. But hinting and avoiding directly dealing with communication issues only perpetuates them.
Remember, your team is depending on you to be the one who maintains an emotionally safe working environment so be sure you are equipped to do so.
If you are struggling with unhealthy communication between team members, I can help.
In my book, Mastering Feedback: Everything You Were Never Told About Giving Feedback, I include activities to teach my simple 4-step process. In no time at all you will become skillful and confident in both giving and receiving feedback in ways that foster empowerment, growth, and development in yourself and others.