Communication can be an illusion

We believe that communication is about words. But the truth is, the words that are exchanged are simply vehicles for our emotions. Just like a cracker is the vehicle to get the cheese in our mouths. 

The words we use are the primary method for transporting our emotions from inside of us out to where they can be seen and heard.

Often we believe that our communication is clear of emotion. For example, when you are giving directions or answering a casual question. 

But communication can be tricky. 

Even if you believe your words are emotionless, they may be experiencing an emotional charge based on the words you choose and the energy you project. And they may assume the emotion they are attaching to your words is exactly what you meant to convey. 

The whole emotional life of words during an exchange often goes unclarified and unquestioned. We tend to assume we know what was conveyed and received. 

This is how each of us can leave a conversation with an entirely different belief of what happened. We may hear the same words, but we may feel different emotions.

Curiosity can be revealing.

I encourage you to be curious when you feel an emotional stir inside yourself while someone is talking with you. Notice it and pause. Ask them, “I’m feeling a bit of emotion pop up around how you are delivering these directions to me. I’m interpreting it as you are (angry, frustrated, anxious, annoyed). Is this accurate?”

It takes a bit of bravery to ask. And the answer you get may even be sloppy or gruff, but that’s okay. You’ve now begun to take responsibility for clean and clear communication. 

You are creating opportunities for deeper understanding and connection. And you are creating a pathway to empathy through curiosity.

Go on and try it. I promise, if you pay attention to what you are feeling, you will have opportunities to practice this new skill all day long!