Holding Space is a Critical Manager Skill
Photo by Free Nature Stock from Pexels
Holding space is one of the most important skills for managers who want to develop the skillfulness of their staff. It is nuanced, requires practice, and also requires a significant level of self-awareness.
Holding space is the practice of being a witness to someone while they walk their own journey. The key to holding space is to not get pulled into their pool of emotions. This can be quite tricky, especially if their story is compelling or if they’re seeking confirmation that their feelings are justified.
Avoid These 4 Temptations
There are a few common temptations that can cause us to step into another’s emotional pool:
Fixing
We often prefer to fix problems rather than just listen. Initially it can appear to save time. Fixing masquerades as helpfulness. But by fixing, you are actually taking the other person’s power away from them. Holding space means listening, even through uncomfortable struggles, without being tempted to solve anything.
Shame
When you imply that the person “should” know what to do or “shouldn’t” be upset, frustrated, angry (or whatever they express they’re feeling), you run the risk of embarrassing them or making them feel inadequate. This can cause them to shutdown and not share with you again in the future.
Overwhelm
Sometimes simply holding space can feel like you aren’t being helpful. It can be quite tempting to share stories of your own experiences, lessons you’ve learned, or solutions you’ve tried. But sharing your experiences can lead to information overwhelm. And while you may feel great, they may feel more conflicted.
Distraction
When you are holding space it is critical that you are fully present with the person. Even if it means turning off your phone or closing your door. If you can’t be fully present at that moment, schedule a time to when you can be present. Distraction is never part of holding space.
Quieting Your Ego is Essential
Holding space means that you and your ego step aside and the person you are holding space for comes up with their own next steps. To truly be holding space you must remain unattached to the outcome.
The Importance of Practice
Initially, holding space can feel tough -- and risky. Just like any skill worth building, practice is required, and we need the grace to give ourselves the time to develop this new manager muscle. We will also need to practice discernment. With each situation, you must be able to discern if this is an opportunity to truly hold space or if you must get involved as a manager.
4 Questions to Discern Your Involvement as Manager
By not intervening is anyone at physical or emotional risk?
By not intervening is the company at legal or financial risk?
Is this an issue that touches on Human Resource policy or law?
Is there a potential human rights or discrimination issue?
If the answer to any of these is yes, you will want to step out of holding space and have a frank discussion about why you, the manager, must become involved and help solve the problem.
The Benefits of Holding Space
When you can hold space for others you allow them to determine their own action steps and experience different outcomes. As you watch the process unfold, you will likely gain insight different than if you had given advice or prescribed next steps.
People who hold space effectively are able to quiet the chatter in their thinking mind. They are able to set aside expectations, assumptions, and biases. They are able to ask simple, open-ended, and penetrating questions that guide the other to find their own path.
Artfully holding space for others ultimately becomes a form of holding space for yourself. By holding space for others, you can experience relief as the burden of solving problems and being responsible for others is released.
Best of all, your team will grow stronger as they build confidence through their own self-leadership.