How to Handle Hinting
Here’s a situation many of my clients face:
“How can I deal with someone who hints instead of directly sharing information with me? I often feel blindsided when a project goes off track. And when I finally discover that things have gone wrong, one of my staff people says, ‘I tried to tell you last week.’ When I ask them when, what they share with me was not direct communication, but instead a hint I did not pick up on.”
The only solution here is to give direct, fact-based, clear feedback.
“Susan, I understand that you believe you communicated with me. However, that was not direct communication. That was a hint. Business communication is already confusing enough. So in the future, what is needed is clear, fact-based communication. Such as I am providing you with now.”
And Susan may reply, “But I thought I was clear!” And you can respond with:
“I hear you. However, here is my feedback. The way you communicated was more like hinting than direct communication. And I don’t pick up on hints. When you have something to share, it is necessary that you have my attention, deliver it in a way that addresses the facts, and then confirm that I heard and understood you. Starting with, ‘Beth, there is a challenge in the project and we may not hit the timeline. When would be a good time to discuss what I’m seeing?’ is a professional approach to communication.’
A Challenge Many of Us Face
A client told me he had been dealing with this hinting problem for an extended period of time and was very frustrated. This scenario highlights the biggest challenge I see in communication — feedback is delayed or not given at all. And that can turn a small issue into a big thing.
How can you expect others to know how to best communicate with you if you aren’t consistently providing feedback?
It is like making them try to guess how to communicate. And that is just not fair. Think of feedback as the children’s game of “warmer and colder”:
“Susan, thank you for communicating with me about the latest challenge. That was so much more effective.”
This kind of positive feedback lets people know what is or is not working as they try to implement changes and try new approaches. They either are getting "warmer" or "colder".
Feedback doesn’t have to be a momentous occasion.
Feedback is most effective when it is simply an expected tool used regularly to help people understand how they can grow and develop in alignment with expectations.
Ready to take the hesitation and stress out of feedback?
Now you can learn how to use feedback as a regular, expected tool instead of a special event! “Practicing Mastering Feedback”, is my 2-session live workshop over Zoom.
This is an investment of time that could significantly change communication and behavior in your workplace and your life. If you are working with people in any capacity, this workshop is for you!
I’d love to see you become known as someone who gives valuable and actionable feedback. It’s a valuable skill that lifts an organization.