How To Make Others Happy
This week I’m talking to all of you out there who just want to make everyone happy. You know who you are.
You are the person who says to me, “No. I didn’t give her feedback on that. I just don’t want to upset her. I don’t like making people unhappy.”
You are one who tells me that you are doing everything you can to please grumpy coworkers and you are sick and tired of trying.
You are the Human Resource Specialist who has tried everything under the sun, from pizza parties to virtual happy hours, and it is never enough. It feels like no good deed goes unpunished.
Well, here’s the truth.
You can’t make people happy.
Nope, you can not. But you sure as heck can get burnt out trying.
Why can’t you make people happy?
Because happiness is an inside job. You can deliver moments of joy and delight but those are not sustainable. Nor can those moments create authentic happiness.
Authentic, lasting happiness is a state of being that comes from within, and each of us has to do our own work to discover it.
There is action you can take.
What you can do is to provide opportunities for people to learn about their unique strengths, talents, and expertise, and then empower them to use those to contribute to the success of the organization.
And when you see that happening, you can acknowledge and validate them. This leads to a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. Which can contribute to happiness, but that is up to them, not you.
When you start out a relationship believing that the other person is capable, competent, uniquely talented, and responsible for their own emotional well-being and happiness, you begin a relationship where the person is empowered. When you believe that you are capable of manipulating or cajoling them into a state of happiness and satisfaction, you are actually trying to create a dependent relationship. That is ultimately disempowering them.
If you try to protect someone’s happiness by withholding feedback that would help them improve how they deploy their unique strengths, talents, and expertise, you are doing the opposite of what you set out to do.
When you try to string together moments of joy and delight in an attempt to appease dissatisfied employees, then you are masking the real gaps and challenges in the workplace.
And when you shift your own behavior to try and keep someone else happy, then you will eventually become angry and resentful toward that person.
Of course we want everyone to be happy. The best way to manifest happiness is to stop trying to manage others happiness and understand that we can only truly manage our own.