The Power of Letting Go
I have a box of dusty sympathy cards from when my mom died in 2002 that's taking up too much space in my closet. Every time I consider letting it go, I feel sick to my stomach, disloyal to my past, and a little sad. So I move the box around and around, trying to minimize the space it takes up in my life.
Sound familiar? We all hold onto things that bring our energy down, feel like too much effort, or no longer bring joy or excitement.
Why Letting Go Feels So Hard
We are wired to hold on. Letting go feels difficult because on a neurological level, it is supposed to. Your brain prioritizes what is familiar and predictable in an attempt to keep us safe—this is called loss aversion. It can make you feel uneasy, anxious, or even physically ill when faced with letting go: the friendship you've outgrown, the job that's no longer enjoyable, that sweater you loved 20 years ago, or yes, my box of cards.
We're in a time where our energy is already drained, we aren't sure about the future, and much of what we knew is changing. This era is going to require that we free up space and embrace change—to let go of what we always believed would be true and what brought us comfort at one time.
Letting Go Is Neither Comfortable Nor Easy.
Like so many things in life, it's a skill that takes discernment, practice, and intention. How many times have you heard "Just let it go" as if it's simple? Anyone who has tried to let go of a grudge, disappointment, or something physical knows the truth: letting go is one of the hardest things we humans do. Yet it's also one of the most essential skills for our personal lives and as leaders.
Why Letting Go Matters
In my work with Navigating Challenging Dialogue (NCD), I consistently see how internal battles with letting go create unnecessary drama and chaos, or trigger emotional hotspots that shut down our capacity for empathy, collaboration, clear thinking, and strategic action.
When we hold tight to what has always been, what's comfortable, and what no longer serves us, we pollute our present moments.
What Are You Holding onto Right Now?
What in your life, work, or home no longer serves you but you also can't seem to let go? This holding on shows up in your energy, your tone, and your ability to listen—and in the available openings for new opportunities. As one of our NCD mantras reminds us: "Be aware of the energy you bring to the room."
Letting go isn't about giving up or being passive. It's about freeing ourselves to create space for curiosity, empathy, change, and genuine problem-solving.
Why Letting Go Feels Impossible
Our brains are wired to protect us from psychological threats—threats to our ego, our values, our sense of belonging. When you begin to let go of something that no longer serves you, your brain sounds the alarm. The fight-or-flight response kicks in, and suddenly you're holding on for dear life, trying to maintain control or hold onto what you've grown comfortable with.
We live in a culture that confuses persistence with strength and letting go with weakness. Social media paints beautiful pictures of "best friends forever" and perfect family gatherings. We hold onto the romanticism of staying in the same career for 30 years or staying in relationships we've outgrown. We're taught to hold on without learning how to discern when holding on serves us versus when it keeps us stuck.
How to Practice Letting Go
Like everything in life, letting go takes practice and skill. It's a journey, not a destination. The NCD Process offers practical steps:
Start with self-awareness. Notice when you're gripping tightly to something outdated or no longer serving you. Something that takes up too much space in your emotions, your physical space, or your life. What emotions are present? Fear? Sadness? Anger often masks these deeper feelings.
Separate facts from thoughts. Use the NCD Process as a self-coaching tool to identify what you know to be factual and what you're making up or assuming. Often, we're holding on to stories and emotions rather than reality.
Get curious. Ask yourself: "What would happen if I let this go? What am I afraid of losing?" Sometimes we discover we're clinging to something that once brought joy but no longer serves us.
Practice "Grace in the Space." This NCD mantra reminds us we can create breathing room in difficult moments. Letting go often starts with simply pausing before we respond.
Remember: "The only person I can manage is myself." Sometimes we hold on because we feel we may disappoint others if we do let go. This foundational NCD principle helps us release the exhausting work of trying to control others and take intentional action toward what we want now and in the future.
The Gift on the Other Side
When you truly let go—not as a strategy but as genuine release—something remarkable happens. You stop being at war with reality. You free up enormous amounts of mental and emotional energy that you can redirect toward creative problem-solving and authentic connection.
Intentional and thoughtful letting go allows you to show up as your best self and create the today and tomorrow you desire. Letting go creates room for curiosity and makes you feel lighter because holding on takes energy. Letting go creates freedom.
Start small. Notice where you're gripping too tightly today and see if you can loosen your hold just a little. Trust that on the other side of letting go, there's freedom. And we can all use more of that!
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences with letting go. And support you along the way. Get in touch.