When You're Promoted From Within
I often have managers come to me saying things like:
“I have this person who reports to me but they don’t respect me. When I give feedback, they talk back to me. When I delegate they complain. And I don’t know what to do.”
When I hear these kinds of things, I always ask, “Were you promoted from within this team?”
Why That's Significant
Because these kinds of problems are symptoms that show me that a manager is trying to operate under the same kinds of norms that exist in peer relationships: Things like complaining about leadership, venting about feedback and commiserating about workload.
But now you are the manager, and your former peer isn’t. Yet they are still behaving as a peer while you are wishing they’d just respect you as the manager.
As difficult as it is, relationships must get realigned from peer-to-peer to boss-to-peer.
This is your work to take the lead on.
Here’s how to establish the new, necessary boundaries, roles, and rules:
1. Be clear that the current communication pattern does not allow you to support the employee's development and success.
“When I gave you feedback last week and you did not take it seriously, it makes it difficult for me to help you grow in your position. My role as manager is to help you achieve success. Communicating in the same way we did as peers isn’t going to help either of us to be successful.”
2. Set boundaries - even when you don’t want to. Happy hour banter with your former peers may be fun, but is no longer okay. If you go to social events, excuse yourself early. Avoid all gossip and watercooler-type conversations. Be approachable and friendly, but remember that now is the time to establish camaraderie with your new peers.
3. Communicate and acknowledge your former peers' input into the decisions you make, the strategies you put in place, and even how their support helped you get this new position. Ask for their opinions and professional feedback often. Listen openly without defensiveness or blame.
4. Be clear when behavior or comments are inappropriate. Give the feedback privately, concisely, and quickly.
“Wally, I understand that we are all going through an adjustment phase, but your comment in the meeting today was not appropriate.”
There will be a stormy phase after any new leadership transition.
This can be even more bumpy when someone is promoted up from the team. But remember storminess is just a phase.
It is expected turmoil as roles shuffle and norms are reestablished. Your role is to lead through that phase with clear honest communication, empathy, integrity, and transparency of the vision of where the team is headed.