An Uncomfortable Practice for Me
It has become disturbingly normal to dismiss and disconnect from people with whom we don’t agree.
While this choice may feel comfortable in the short-term, it erodes our ability to thrive and survive as individuals and collectively. This will have a long-term negative impact on our society.
Avoiding connection with those with whom you do not agree impacts how you:
Discern and differentiate ideas and attitudes.
Recognize and question stereotypes.
Hold yourself accountable for your own biases.
Separate out the truth from what we want the truth to be.
Expand and develop your thinking.
Shift your opinions.
Understand what is possible.
When you engage with people who you may not agree with, you widen your perspective, view challenges from new angles, expand your ideas, and open yourself up to new possibilities.
You also increase your ability to give and receive trust, and keep your empathy muscles awake and active. But the biggest benefit of all is that with every conversation, you become less isolated and more connected with other humans.
Most of us have become trained to debate not dialogue.
We try to “win” by proving we are right and they are wrong. We enter into conversations not to learn and grow but instead to convince or manipulate. Often we do it because we want so badly for others to behave and think differently.
But if we want the world to be different, we must behave differently ourselves first.
Here are a few steps you can take right now to begin engaging even when you don’t agree:
Stop focusing on where you disagree and instead focus on what you have in common.
Listen more than you talk.
Choose to respond, rather than react, to what you hear. When you feel yourself wanting to tell them why they are wrong or off track, relax your shoulders, soften your eyes, and become curious.
Remember that at the end of the day everyone wants to be seen and heard. When someone is yelling, blaming, or threatening, it is often because they don’t feel seen or heard. Don’t get louder. Get softer and say, “I hear you.”
Breathe. Pause. And Breathe.
Participate to learn, not to win.
There are relationships and times when disconnection is 100% appropriate. When and with whom you disconnect is your decision. I support your choices.
Connecting and engaging with people who don’t share my views or perspective is such an uncomfortable practice for me. But the more I feel the negative impacts of disconnection, the more I’m committed to getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.
How about you?