Navigating the Space Between Yes and No
In today’s fast-paced work culture, it feels like there are more demands and priorities than can be completed in an average workday. Because of the overwhelm, many of us tend to show up to meetings already braced to “say no” to new assignments that come up.
Advocating for yourself or your team is important.
Saying “no” sometimes is absolutely important and not always possible. But if you are consistently bracing for the “no” before you hear or consider the full request, you are risking your reputation as a team player. And nobody wants that.
So how do you balance protecting yourself and your team from taking on too much while still being seen as a team player?
The answer lies in how you negotiate the space between “yes” or “no”.
Consider this real scenario: Samuel’s team is overwhelmed. Their primary function is to support other departments within the organization with technical solutions to their challenges. The current demand for their time, expertise, and human resources goes beyond their current capacity to deliver.
Samuel is relatively new to the organization. The prior leader was counting the days until retirement and had essentially stopped finding new ways to be helpful or to build staff skills.The former leader’s reputation was one of saying “yes” but then simply shrugging when her team was unable to meet the deadlines. This caused many negative feelings both inside and outside the team.
To build morale within his team, Samuel is very determined to protect their time in ways they have not been previously. However, at the same time, Samuel is hearing rumors that his reputation within the organization is one of not being a team player, deflecting responsibility, and not understanding how the organization’s culture functions. Samuel, like many of us, would benefit from learning the art of navigating the space between yes and no.
Most situations where priorities and resources clash are not a simple yes or not.
When you are good at saying “no”, you are able to get understanding and alignment instead of putting up walls and damaging relationships. You also are more able to understand the impact and consequences of your “no” beyond the present moment.
How do you artfully build your reputation as a collaborator while protecting your time and your team?
The simple answer is, it takes skillfulness. Especially in listening and curiosity.
Here is a 10-step framework that will help you to be discerning, skillful, and objective as you negotiate between “yes” and “no”.
Stay current in your understanding of the organization's top priorities.
Understand your own existing priorities and how those are aligned with the priorities of the organization.
Don’t ever say “no” immediately, even if you want to. Instead, let the requester know you hear them through validation and clarification.
Use curious questions to dig deeper into what is being asked so that you and others in the room are making no assumptions.
Be curious about any assumptions you might be making, including who ultimately owns the project, and which other teams or departments must be on board for success.
Jointly determine what it will look like when it is done.
Take time to think about it. “I need a few days to look at what priorities we have currently."
Dig further to find out how your supervisor sees this aligning with your current priorities.
Consider and prepare questions for what points still need to be negotiated, and who makes those decisions. For example: Does something need to come off your plate or go on the back burner? Is that possible? Would you be able to take it on if timelines were extended? Or if you had an additional staff person? Could the requesting department contribute a person from their department to temporarily work under your supervision? Where are the overlaps? Do you actually have the clout to get what you need from all the stakeholders, and if not, how can you get that clout, or who can you rely on to back you? Do you and your team actually have the skills and expertise to do the project? If not, how can you get that? How will conflicts be resolved?
Be specific. Many people answer with “we don’t have the resources”. That kind of general answer does not lead to collaborative problem-solving. The more specific you can be about what might hold you back and what you need to be successful, the more dialogue can be had around the topic. This leads to everyone contributing to innovating solutions. And you just may find, the best solution doesn’t involve you, and you actually didn’t have to say “no”.
So many times there is a third option besides “yes” or “no”. But it takes dialogue, thoughtfulness, and curiosity to get to that third option. Don’t be someone who just says no. Be someone who is known for helping collaborate to come up with win/win solutions!