Difficult Conversations with Managers

I recently met with a group of managers from a mid-sized organization. The purpose of our time together was for me to help them navigate through the most challenging conversations they deal with on a regular basis.

This is part two in a series highlighting the top three topics that came out of that meeting and some solutions and helpful strategies. Part one which was last week focused on how to give feedback in ways that are heard and people can take action. 

Today I am discussing the idea of holding people accountable for “professionalism” at work. I purposefully put the word “professionalism” in quotes because it is a loaded topic. 

One of the foundational principles of Navigating Challenging Dialogue® is that you can only see the world through your own lens. Therefore, the vision and ideas that I believe make up “professionalism” may or may not align with your vision.

How we view professionalism comes from our individual upbringing, values, culture and traditions, workstyle, socialization, education, and training, among many other things. 

When you attempt to have a conversation or give feedback using a vague word like “professionalism”, each person in that conversation has their own ideas of what professionalism is and is not. The tricky part in all this is that we assume that everyone sees professionalism in the same way that we do. This is where misunderstanding and conflict can arise.

Quick Activity

Take a few minutes right now and list the five or six most important behaviors that you believe contribute to professionalism. Describe each one as specifically as you can. So, instead of saying, “Dress appropriately”, describe “dress appropriately” specifically for your work environment. 

For example, in a certain setting it may be “Company polo shirt, clean and not wrinkled, tucked in, with dark colored slacks, shorts, or skirt.” For another work environment it may be, “Business casual clothing that includes jeans. No shorts. Clothing must be free of logos and/or language that may be considered offensive.”

Now, without showing your list to anyone, ask three or four people around you to do the same: Come up with a list of the five or six most important behaviors that describe professionalism. 

After five minutes or so, compare lists. It will be interesting to see where they intersect, how they are different, and how each person describes the items on their list.

Dialogue Is Essential

Most of the time when I coach managers who are frustrated that team members aren’t upholding their idea of professionalism, I find out that there has been no dialogue about professionalism and no clarity or agreement on expectations for professional behaviors. 

It is impossible to hold anyone accountable to an unknown. 

If you are struggling with people not meeting your (or the company’s) expectations for professionalism, take time at your next staff meeting to break this down as a team. 

Ask the group to each take five minutes and write a list of the five to six behaviors that demonstrate professionalism at work.

Then have them break into groups of two and share what they wrote with another person. Give them 10-15 minutes for the discussion.

Bring the group back together and ask each group to report out what they heard from the other person. Begin grouping the topics on a white board or flip chart. 

This dialogue gives the group a chance to get to know each other better, gain perspective on each other’s lens on the world, and will be the beginning of your team coming into alignment on what standards of professionalism they will hold themselves to.

Next week I will share my thoughts on what to do when someone makes a change based on feedback, but a few months later, resort back to the original behavior.

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