When Their Behavior Regresses
This is the final installment on a three-part series regarding difficult conversations managers face. This series is the result of managers’ meeting to find out what conversations are most challenging to them day-to-day. Part one focused on how to give feedback in ways that are heard, and for people to take action. Last week focused on holding people accountable for “professionalism” at work.
Today I am talking about what to do when you’ve given someone feedback and they’ve successfully made a change, but then they regress back to the old, undesirable behaviors after a few months.
There are two parts to my approach. The first is what to do when the regression happens. The second, and perhaps more important part, is how to prevent regression from happening in the first place.
In this hypothetical scenario, let’s say you gave William feedback on his tone when speaking with clients. You shared a few examples of how you’ve observed him becoming rushed and frustrated when dealing with clients needing technical support.
William heard the feedback and as you’ve heard no new complaints lately, you assume William has made the changes you discussed. Then you overhear William engaging with a customer. His voice is rising, his frustration is coming through, and you can tell the call is going badly. So you listen in on a few different calls and see that the pattern has returned.
Your first thought likely is, “I can’t believe I have to start from scratch again.”
Here’s the good news: you are not necessarily starting from scratch. This is the same feedback session, continued.
If you did not take the time to document the previous feedback session, you will need to start over, but hopefully you did. Every feedback conversation should be documented for the benefit of the employee, the company, and for you.
Many managers are hesitant to document feedback sessions either because it is too much work or they believe it equates the feedback session to a punitive action. I am asking you to turn that belief around.
Documenting the feedback session serves as a data point for helping the employee:
Understand the gap in performance
Track their progress
Take action to develop their skillfulness
Yes, sometimes it does support termination. But I encourage you to not use feedback solely to support a termination process.
Feedback is a tool for growth and development of your team.
Be explicit in that goal. Describe feedback to your team in this way, “I am going to give you some feedback that will help you grow and develop in your work.”
Framing This Type of Feedback Conversation
You can begin the conversation with William like so:
“On December 2 we discussed how your outward frustration with clients does not serve the goals of our department or the company. In the months following that discussion you made the following changes: (list changes). However, yesterday I noticed that some of those previous behaviors (short answers, using sarcasm, rolling your eyes while talking to clients) had come back into your conversations. Can you help me to understand what has changed?”
This approach makes the feedback session a continuation of the previous one rather than an entirely new conversation. It also incorporates the very important tool of coaching by asking William to reflect and identify what has changed for him. It takes the burden of guessing out of it for you. Perhaps William has a sick baby at home and he hasn’t been sleeping. Perhaps he is feeling burnt out in his current role and it is time to discuss what is next.
Through the curiosity of coaching, you are assessing and empowering William to reflect on his behavior, see the gap, identify patterns that impact the quality of his work, and then make changes and adjustments to support success.
As with any feedback session, you are going to ask William what he thinks he will do to get himself back performing in the ways that make him successful in his work.
How To Prevent A Regression From Happening
Giving feedback is not a one and done thing. The road to change for humans is not a straight path forward. It is bumpy with twists and turns, and trial and error. Assume that whenever you give feedback and someone comes up with actions to close the performance gap, they are going to need on-going coaching so that they can continue moving forward.
You gave William the feedback on December 2. As part of the action plan, you and William agree to a schedule of when you will check in on progress by asking, “William, as you are taking these action steps, how often will it be helpful to check in?”
Identify together how William will seek help if he needs it: “William, as you are taking these steps you’ve outlined, what will you do if you notice you are experiencing the frustration and impatience rising again?”
Provide affirmative feedback everytime you see William making progress closing the gap or exhibiting the behaviors you desire: “William, I want you to know that I overheard you with a client yesterday and the tone and delivery was spot on. Great job!”
This Isn’t Micromanaging
You may be thinking, “But isn’t this micromanaging? I shouldn’t have to take all this time to monitor and stay on top of what he’s doing. This should just be part of his job!”
This kind of checking-in, coaching, and affirming should not add much time at all to your workload. In fact, it will help you build relationships, increase trust, and develop the kind of employee you need on your team.
The small amount of effort you put into this practice on an on-going basis will spare you from the headache and frustration months down the road when you would have otherwise had to start over with William.
Another benefit is that if William is unwilling or incapable of closing the gap, you have already demonstrated and documented that you have worked closely with him to remediate this challenge.
Nobody ever said that managing people was an easy hands-off job.
It actually requires continual care and attention. It is the small incremental attention that minimizes the need for challenging conversations. Feedback and coaching help to build a team that is continually growing, developing, and holding themselves accountable.