Have Gossip in the Workplace?
Gossip is an inherent part of any organization’s culture — and that’s not gossip!
Why is gossip pervasive?
Because we are humans, and humans build relationships through the sharing of information. And sometimes stories full of assumptions, projections, opinions, and exaggerations, are much more interesting than the truth.
The act of gossiping is a pretty neutral activity. It is the intention behind gossip that makes it a positive or negative. For instance, sometimes it is through gossip that communities are spurred into action to help out someone in need. Through gossip we can learn about ourselves, our values, and what choices or actions we might take. Gossip can alert us to danger or consequences we hadn’t considered.
But when gossip is used to manipulate a situation or circumstances it can have a very negative impact on lives, relationships, and workplace culture. Gossip can divide a team. Gossip can damage relationships. Gossip can alter our perspective. And gossip distracts us from using our strengths and talents in positive ways.
Leaders come to me seeking to rid their organization of gossip.
This is challenging because organizations are full of humans and most humans are attracted to gossip like moths to a light.
Gossip is titaliting. When someone shares gossip with us, it helps us feel like we belong. When we know “the gossip”, the desire to pass it on is strong because letting others know we have gossip can make us feel powerful and important.
Gossip also distracts us from all the things about ourselves we don’t want to face or aren’t ready to deal with. For example, when I perceive someone is having a more difficult time than I am, I’m able to be temporarily distracted from the discomfort of what is unappealing or difficult for myself in that moment.
For leaders who want a simple solution to eradicating gossip, I ask: “On a scale of 1-10, how urgent of a problem is this for you?”
Most often I’m told it is a 5 or below. They describe the problem as a low hum, happening softly, until it causes drama and chaos and ends up in their lap. They say things like, “Well, I don’t directly hear about it but others share stories with me about how someone else’s gossiping is impacting them.”
Hmmm, ironic. Sounds like they too are gossiping.
Addressing Gossip
I’m not saying you should ignore gossip completely. Instead, treat gossip for what it is — a symptom of a larger problem:
Does your organization have agreed-upon norms in place for how everyone is to communicate with and behave with each other?
Do managers model a no tolerance for gossip? Meaning, do they engage in gossip themselves, even with just a select one or two “trusted” staff?
When staff bring forward gossip, do managers coach them to develop an action plan for not engaging?
Does everyone in the workplace know how to create boundaries around spreading misinformation (anything that isn’t fact-based)?
Stopping the flow of gossip starts with each individual not with the collective.
Most often, when people complain about gossip it is because they want someone else to change their behavior. They aren’t looking at their own behavior within the gossip.
You can’t legislate a stop to gossip. You can’t demand gossip stop. And you can rarely catch a gossiper in the act or prove it is happening. Nor should you spend your time and energy that way.
One of the Navigating Challenging Dialogue® Mantras is: “The only person I can manage is myself.”
As humans, we tell ourselves stories about our role in gossip, the value of gossip, and how “I’m just being helpful!” If you are in a workplace or community where gossip is prolific and you want it to stop, start by taking an honest look at your own role in gossip.
Notice when you listen to gossip without stopping the person sharing it and saying, “I appreciate our relationship but this isn’t what I want to talk about.”
Pay attention to what information you pass on, even though it is not fact-based or built on assumptions. How do you decide whether or not it is helpful?
How does it serve you to be in the know about gossip? Is it 100% true that it serves you?
Gossip exists and the best way to quell the impact is by always speaking with integrity, consistency, and empathy while setting clear boundaries for the quality of information and types of communication you want to engage in.
Coach Your Team to Handle Gossip
Our Coaching in the Workplace workshop is a great opportunity to learn how to coach your team to adopt behavior norms and handle uncomfortable conversations around gossip and misinformation. Or book a call with me, and we can discuss your specific situation.