Language for the Change Process

Change, and thinking about change, can bring up many opportunities for conflict. Especially when change is being implemented without understanding, or the language to discuss, what you are going through in the process. 

Today I want to give you some language to use when discussing the stages of change. 

Once we have language to discuss these stages, we can be more vulnerable and transparent about what stage we are in. We can proceed through change with curiosity,  empathy, and honesty. This will help us move through even the most difficult phases of change and growth in more healthy ways.

The phrases I want to share today are: precontemplation, contemplation, determination, and action.

I will use myself as an example to help bring these terms to life.

The precontemplation stage is when I begin to sense that a change in behavior or strategy might be needed, but I’m not ready to take action. In precontemplation, I often feel  reluctance, rebellion, resignation, and even rationalization of why change isn’t necessary. In order to move from precontemplation to the next stage, recognition that a change needs to happen must occur. Otherwise, I stay in denial and no progress is made.

As I move from precontemplation to the contemplation stage, I begin to consider, “Is this change something I could/should do?”, “Is this something I would like to try?”, “What are the consequences (positive and negative) of taking action?” “What if I do nothing?” I see other people making change and I begin to wonder, “Maybe it would be possible for me as well”.

The third phase is preparation for change. This is when I begin trying out small actions  to see how they feel, to notice what difference they make, and to learn what kinds of big changes my small actions could lead to down the road. Preparation can be discouraging because not every thing we try is going to be successful or get us to where we ultimately want to be. In preparation we must remember that moving forward is not always linear and there will be trial and error. Growing and learning from what works and what doesn’t work is key to getting to the next stage.

If things are going well and I’m being intentional, curious, and learning from the choices and actions I take, I will hit on some practices that work well and move me forward. 

Eventually, I will move from preparation for change into the action phase. It is in the action phase that the successful and productive small actions become changes that are sustainable over time. 

This is where lasting impact is created. 

The reason I believe it is important to have a shared language around the stage of change is so that we can talk about what is happening and where we are at in the process with ourselves and with others.

Generally, for me, I see the need for change in my life later than those around me see it. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I can sit in the denial phase a little longer than I should. 

When people make a suggestion that perhaps I want to slow down, consider a different process, or be patient with myself, I quickly go into reluctance, rebellion, and resistance. I know this about me. And yet, it trips me up again and again. 

Now, when I am feeling reluctance, resistance, and rebellion at a suggestion, I try and use my words to say, “I hear you. I am in precontemplation. I am processing.” That is if I believe that the suggestion or observation is on track for me. 

This is tricky business to determine if it is my own resistance or if it is really not a suggestion that is valid. The use of the word “precontemplation” helps the other person understand that they have been heard. And helps me to remember to explore my resistance.

When I can communicate that I’ve moved to contemplation, I have language that allows me to ask for help, coaching, guidance, or advice. In preparation, I can give myself permission to play with options, strategies, and ideas to see what works, what aligns with who I am, and to gather feedback from those I trust on what changes they see. 

Preparation is a time of experimentation. When we experiment, it is often the mistakes that show us the next step forward. 

The action phase is when I take all I’ve learned and create a set of practices that help me to continue to get closer to the outcome I desire. The product of the change. 

There are more stages in the process such as maintenance, termination, and even starting a new change where you apply what you learned to the new change you are undertaking. You can research and learn about those online. 

But for our purposes today, becoming familiar with the stages I’ve discussed above will help empower you to be transparent, open, curious, empathetic with yourself and others, as you move through change.

Life is all about change. Change is a constant and when we feel we have some level of control and ability to at least manage our feelings around change, somehow it feels a little more doable. 

I encourage you to think about what kinds of changes you may be considering in your own life but are resisting or rebelling against. And try applying the language of the stages of change. 

Notice if this paves a way to more curiosity, empathy, and the ability to have honest dialogue. I’d love to hear your thoughts.