Sharing my Coaching Takeaways
Today I’m sharing my takeaways and learnings from a few weeks of intense client work. I’m hoping that you may find them helpful as you navigate challenging dialogues!
While working with a client, they voiced a desire to warn someone of the potential consequences of their behavior. Through our continued dialogue, it became evident that they were projecting their own values onto someone else. Their projection was causing the client fear and frustration. Fear of the consequences if they warn the person and they don’t see it the same way. And frustration around a lack of change if they don’t warn them. When I was able to shine a light on the potential projection through coaching, they saw their way to curiosity and made plans for self-reflection and inquiry versus giving the other person a warning.
The Navigating Challenging Dialogue® questions to ask are, does it need to be said? Does it need to be said now? Does it need to be said by me now?
A client was very eager to have a tough conversation with someone about a topic. What they could not see was how much their own behaviors were mirroring what was actually frustrating them about their direct report. As we talked more about it through the coaching process, this blindspot became apparent. The client was able to identify some of their own gaps they needed to work through prior to having this conversation.
The NCD mantra is: You can only see the world through your own lens.
Herbert Kohl and Jonathon Kozol wrote a thin but powerful book in 1995 titled, “I Won’t Learn from You”. I reference this because twice in the last few weeks, assumptions of the teacher/mentor were getting in the way of the student/mentee’s learning. If you are in the role of helping others learn and grow, I highly recommend this book!
When we try to teach someone, child or adult, and we allow our assumptions and beliefs to lead, we are creating roadblocks that inhibit the trust required for someone to learn.
When in a position to teach and impart information, regardless of how deep your expertise, pause and build a relationship with the learner. Learn a bit about their experiences with learning environments and what strategies have been helpful. Ask them what works for them and what holds them back. And believe what they tell you.
Being an effective teacher begins with relationship building. Assuming that our role as expert will be enough is misguided and won’t bear the best results.
NCD mantra: Curiosity leads to empathy and empathy is the gateway to trust.
Every time I enter a coaching session or a training engagement, I am there as an expert and as a learner.
A client recently commented that they found remarkable my ability to be in a room with 16 people and make each one feel as though I am completely focused on them and their growth.
Here is the secret: Being fully present begins with my own ability to be curious. When I’m curious, I’m engaged in the moment and all else falls away. I trust that each person in the room is the expert on their own journey. And my role is to learn more. It is that simple.
One of the reasons I love my work so much is because I’m continually learning and growing along with my clients.
I’ve opened my calendar for 2024, and am now scheduling new coaching clients. If you’ve been considering coaching, please reach out and let’s talk. https://NCDsolution.com/beth