The Power of Disclosure

I was working with a manager who began managing her team during the pandemic. She’d not yet met with them in person and due to geographical distance, and it is unlikely that she will anytime soon.

The concern she brought to the session was that the weekly check-in meetings felt very perfunctory. She was frustrated by this but was committed to her story that it was likely impossible given the fact that they can’t meet in person.

“What would more connection look like to you?”, I asked.

“Hmm. I’d really like to know how they are feeling about the geographic differences. I don’t have a sense of if people are struggling or not. I’m not seeking anything too personal and I’m fine if they don’t want to disclose but right now, there’s no sharing at all. It’s just all business.”

“I see. How are you modeling that?” I asked.

“Well. I don’t. I’m kind of taking my lead from the team. It seems they just want to get on the call, give up dates, and get off,” she responded.

Here’s the thing about building connections: it requires trust. And trust is developed through disclosure. If you want to foster deeper connection within your team, you must be willing to lead by taking a risk with your own disclosure.

“I think I heard you say that you are struggling a bit with the geographic separation of the team. The inability to get together. How would it feel for you to share that with them?” I asked.

“What if no one responds and everyone just thinks I’m needy. Or worse, I create a problem where there isn’t one?”

“What if no one responds? What will that feedback tell you?” I asked

“That others aren’t experiencing the same thing I guess”.

“Or perhaps that they aren’t feeling enough safety or trust in the group to talk about it,” I suggested.

Disclosure is your opportunity to model the behaviors you desire in others. 

When you begin, start with something small (I sometimes miss the ability to meet in person. Anyone else?). Then just listen. Don’t convince or defend, but instead notice what is being said. If someone offers a simple “me too,” engage by asking them to “Say more.” And if someone replies, “not me,” ask the same.

We are always assessing the risk or reward of disclosure - whether we are aware of it or not. In NCD we talk about the zones of Comfort, Stretch, and Panic. My client wanted to stay in her comfort zone while hoping others would stretch a little.

My encouragement to her was to start small, disclosing just a bit and then notice how her team responded.

Remember, disclosure builds connection and connection builds trust.

What’s one small thing you can do to build trust a bit more with your team?