The Power of Gratitude
I spent years comparing myself and my life to others. When left to its own devices, my mind would feel this gravitational pull toward what I perceived I was lacking.
About 12 or so years ago, with the help of a therapist, I started noticing when my thoughts were of lack or resentment, and then pausing to consider what I was grateful for within it all.
It was uncomfortable and unpleasant in the beginning. My therapist told me not to be surprised or dissuaded by the discomfort because I was literally demanding that my thoughts turn themselves around. And this intentional practice requires new neural pathways and patterns to be built, much like building a new road through unchartered territory. It just isn’t easy.
Because this is an ongoing practice, the process I still follow is:
I notice when I am latching my thoughts onto what I perceive is missing.
Give myself grace in the space by taking a breath, pausing, and asking that thought to move on out.
Replacing the thought with one thing that within the situation I am grateful for.
Allow my feelings and focus to follow the gratitude.
Find one or two ways to acknowledge, appreciate, and maybe even build on what I’m grateful for.
Notice how my energy and mood shifts.
I encourage you to try it. The shift may take time. It may be very uncomfortable. And it will shift your energy if you let it.
For me, when I want to vent on social media, I use this practice and instead post about something I feel grateful for (93% of the time).
When I feel jealousy toward someone who is experiencing something I am not, I attempt to shift to gratitude that I get to witness them enjoying their experience.
When I am disappointed by another’s actions or decisions that truly impact me (because otherwise it isn’t my business), I do my work to find what I am grateful for within the relationship or transaction. Maybe it is a lesson for me, an opportunity to set a boundary, or a message about my own behavior and expectations.
This can be an uncomfortable transformation, particularly if it is new to you. The key is to practice it with intention and self-awareness. And remember, it is not about anyone else. It is not about getting anything from anyone. This is only about you.
Expressing gratitude without actually feeling it can be a first step. But actually keying into your body and noticing what the gratitude feels like in your heart can be life changing.
Let me know if you decide to give it a try. I’d love to hear about it. And remember, baby steps!
***NOTE: As with all that I share, if you are experiencing physical or emotional abuse or suffering from trauma, while my suggestions may be helpful, it is critical that you also seek help from a qualified professional. Not everyone belongs in our lives. Not everyone deserves your gratitude.