Is Venting an Effective Tool?
Venting! Is it a healthy stress reliever or is it a toxic activity?
Let’s first define venting. Venting is the verbal processing of a frustrating, difficult, or disappointing situation, while not being accountable for taking actions to change the situation.
“But Beth,” you may be thinking, “if venting is a toxic, unproductive activity, why do I feel so much better after I vent?”
Here is the tricky part. For a short period of time after you vent about something, you may feel a sensation of relief. But that relief is temporary and before long, you will feel compelled to vent again.
When you vent, your ego feels like you are aware, on top of things, in the know, and that others also see you in the same way. After you vent to someone, you may feel relief — but they can feel like crap. You just dumped all your emotional baggage on to them.
This is the toxicity part.
For example:
If they are someone who tends to be a problem-solver, they are now distracted trying to figure out how they can help you solve the problem.
If they are someone who also doesn’t love the situation (their job, the boss, their life situation), but are working hard to stay positive and make steps toward change, you’ve now sucked them down with you.
If they are someone who is positive and is intentional in keeping drama and chaos outside of their lives, you’ve just diminished their desire to be connected with you.
What is the alternative to venting?
When you feel compelled to vent, ask yourself:
What is actually true about this situation (identify and remove all story, conjecture, assumption, and beliefs).
What do I want to be different?
What steps or actions can I take that will actually get the situation closer to what I want it to be?
Then, take action.
From then on, instead of venting unproductively and bringing others down with you, you can discuss the issue AND share the steps you are taking to make change.
This makes for a much more rewarding and beneficial experience all around.
Venting is a downer, for you and for those around you. To stay on track, rely on these Navigating Challenging Dialogue Mantras:
The only person you can manage is yourself.
Be responsible for the energy you bring!
Here’s to letting go of venting!