Setting Clear Communication Boundaries
“Venting is evidence of how powerless someone feels.”
An executive director said this to me recently in a workshop and I thought it was GOLD! It got me thinking about what we can do when we want to remain connected with someone but their venting is just wearing us down. Especially if the person chronically vents and never takes action to remedy the situation.
Here you go!
Step 1: Manage your own energy by taking a breath and coming back to center.
Step 2: Affirm the person with a simple, “I hear you” or “That sounds difficult”.
Step 3: Move to curiosity asking, “Would you like to work together to resolve this concern?”
If they answer “yes”, you can use any of these simple coaching questions:
I'm curious, what would you like to see differently?
What is a small action you'd be willing to take to make that happen?
What might be the outcome if you don't take action?
What might the outcome be if you do take action?
Why do you think this (event, outcome, etc.) might be the case?
Can you think of a reason why this experience continues to happen in your world?
If their answer to exploration is “no”, explain with empathy, "It is difficult for me to listen to you repeatedly vent about this without exploration or taking action. It brings down my own energy and motivation. I value our relationship and I am asking you to not vent to me on this topic anymore."
Setting clear boundaries is self-care and also teaches others how you want and need to be treated.
Being direct with someone who chronically vents can feel very scary and uncomfortable. We all fear losing relationships and connections. That is why it is important to let them know both that you value the relationship and that venting without action negatively impacts you.
Do you struggle with someone who vents without taking action?
Have you taken steps to set boundaries?
I'd love to hear more. Send me an email and let me know: support@bethwonson.com
If you are questioning how your own chronic venting is impacting your life, career, or relationships, and want to overcome this common habit, communication coaching will help. Schedule a time with me to learn more: https://NCDsolution.com/beth