Transforming Negative Stories (Part 3 of 3)
This is the final installment in the 3-part series, “Understanding and Transforming Negative Stories”. In week one we looked at the three classic stories: victim, villain, and hero. In week two I shared specific self-coaching steps to isolate and turn around your own negative stories as you experience them. In this installment you’ll learn to take positive action based on what you discovered doing the practice from last week.
Let’s Recap
In week 1 we learned that when your brain is stuck in negative stories, you are living in the belief that someone else or something else should be providing you with what you need and want, rather than being empowered to use your own unique strengths, talents, and expertise. Although there are times when circumstances may prevent you from attaining what you desire, negative stories are the most impactful when you lean so strongly into them that you don’t see where you can empower yourself to make change.
The three most prevalent and recognized negative stories that humans tend to lean into are:
Victim Story
The prevalent theme here is powerlessness, lack of fairness, and helpless defeat. These themes are ploys to distract you from the uncomfortable but necessary work of being accountable for change and your own growth and development.
Villain Story
With this story, you are blaming others for your own dissatisfaction with circumstances, particularly if you’re feeling stressed, vulnerable, or displeased. The underlying belief is that if they had or would provide you with what they were supposed to, your problems would go away.
Hero Story
This story leads us to believe that we can fix everything for everyone else, so we tend to take on a greater share, or another’s share, of responsibility.
In week 2, we learned that to increase self-awareness and identify if you are being held back by these negative stories, there are self-coaching questions you can ask yourself to help you reframe what you’re thinking about.
Turning The Story Around
Now in week 3, let’s look at how to move from helplessness and toward positive transformation and empowerment.
We are going to plan what action you can and will take. These actions don’t have to be big. Sometimes the smallest actions are the most effective. By identifying and taking positive action based in fact, you will build your confidence. This will help you to stop relying on negative stories to feel comfortable, and instead to embody the Navigating Challenging Dialogue® Mantra, “The only person I can manage is myself”.
List action steps you can take to move you from being stuck in your negative story to being empowered to make change and experience positive outcomes.
Example 1 – Action Steps: I will ask my own manager for feedback, advice, and coaching while sharing what I am experiencing in a fact-based way.
Example 2 – Action Steps: I will support and encourage my child to embrace the opportunity and enjoy the experience.
Example 3 – Action Steps: I will learn to give clear and actionable feedback that helps my employees identify gaps and grow and develop in positive ways.
It can be uncomfortable coming to terms with the stories we tell ourselves even while it helps us be more accountable and empowered to take action.
As with all things, practice increases confidence, skillfulness, and comfort.
As you become more aware of the types of unhelpful thoughts that bubble up, the more you can choose to turn that into positive outcomes, building healthy relationships, and removing exhausting drama and chaos from your life.
Take time to reflect on your action steps, and identify where you might refine them further, or what you might do differently next time. Practicing means iterating.
I look forward to hearing how this process helped you to explore and turn around the kinds of negative stories we all experience from time to time! Just reply to this email to share your story, or if you have any questions.