Shut the Dang Door!
“I have an open door policy.” Oh my gosh, those words just make me shudder. Why am I opposed to an open door policy when it’s often pushed as the way to be a “connected leader”? Because an open door policy has the opposite effect. When you have an open door policy, you’re not connected to or present for anything.
Listen in (or read on) for how an open door policy hinders your productivity, robs the people around you of learning opportunities, and nibbles away at your time, plus 5 simple tips for setting things right.
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“You can only call me for three reasons…”
Exhaustion and fatigue are common themes with many of my clients, and I’ve realized they haven’t given themselves permission to set boundaries. In fact, the tendency is quite the opposite. Somewhere along the way, we get the message to give all of our kindness, time, and energy to others and to keep none for ourselves. But nurturing ourselves first is the only sustainable way forward. Listen in for the surprising boundaries that set me free, a few words that create space, and one word that takes it away.
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Anger’s Many Disguises
Anger is not a pure emotion, but a mask for painful emotions such as sadness, fear, and disappointment. At the same time, anger can hide behind numbness, defensiveness, or a feeling of power. Anger plays tricks on our ego, distances us from others (and ourselves), and can have a boosting effect as powerful – and as short-lived – as a sugar rush.
Read or listen in for more on anger’s many disguises, and learn how to dissipate your anger by asking yourself a few simple, yet powerful, questions about your situation.
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How to Get Rid of Your Anger
When at work, many of us try to deny anger we’re experiencing because, well, it’s just not appropriate. But through that denial, more anger and resentment are generated, and our suppressed anger has a way of sneaking out when we’re least expecting it. Ultimately, suppressed anger can destroy our working relationships, stall our careers, and have our reputations going in unintended directions.
Listen in to learn three questions you can explore to get rid of your anger and two emotions that hide beneath it.
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Be Aware of the Witness Marks
Now, more than ever, we need to become more skillful at flourishing within the vortex of change. Be aware of clinging to the witness marks -- indicators of how things were previously used or implemented. When you resist change, you’re likely manifesting disconnection, isolation, and eventual -- and inevitable -- obsolescence and loss. Listen to stories about a client's challenges with change and what I face with my own business.
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Gossip - It's Just Like Sugar
Gossip is as addictive as sugar. It can also be damaging and slowly wear and tear at the vital framework that keeps a group or a team cohesive, a family solidified, and an organization moving towards its goals. Breaking the gossip habit is a powerful way you can positively impact your own happiness, even when you’re feeling powerless. Here's how...
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Distractions as a Cover-up
My experience in working with this young man taught me far more than I ever taught him. One of the biggest Ahas was how when humans – youth or adults – feel vulnerable about their skillset or abilities, and they are in an environment where they believe it isn’t safe to reveal those deficits and ask for help, they will create a distraction. In the world of work, this distraction is generally drama, chaos, and unhealthy conflict.
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Cognitive Shortcuts
So I have a question for you: Would you rather go for a leisurely walk on a flat paved path or would you rather bushwhack your way through new and uncharted territory?
For me, the answer depends on the day. It depends on how much energy I have, how much time I have, and what I anticipate the reward might be.
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Anchors Away!
September always seems to be the time when I experience a big desire to get organized. Or as my dear departed Dad would say, to pull yourself together. I don’t know if it is the store shelves lined with back-to-school organizers, the deciduous trees shedding leaves they no longer need, or just the passing of the lazy, hazy days of summer, but I always feel a tug.
The onset of fall is also the time when I get eager to check in on where my anchor is set. A dear friend and mentor, Amy Burford, first told me about “checking my anchor” when I was struggling with some resistance in my business.
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No Strategic Plan, No Succession Plan, and A Panic Hire -- Oh My!
Over the past six months, I’ve been working with a delightful nonprofit board of directors. The board came to me because they knew they had several challenges after years of smooth sailing, and they could not quite identify a pathway through those challenges. Read on for the story behind each, from their missing strategic plan to their concerns about succession.
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Everyone Loves It! …Or Do They?
What do you think when you overhear laughter in your workplace? Are you eager to join in? Do you get the sense a team must be making great progress? Or do you wonder if people are having too much fun to be productive? Maybe you feel left out? Or are you curious who is the target of a harsh joke today?
According to the theory of Conscious Leadership put forth in The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success, humor in an organization is a key indicator of a healthy culture in that organization — but what some see as humor can be hurtful to others. Read on to learn why sarcasm isn’t funny.
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Drinking the Kool-Aid (and other phrases that drive me crazy)
When I’m facilitating strategic planning sessions, I frequently experience the same level of irritation. When I’m coaching or working with someone whose first language is not English, I strive to be aware of the phrases I’m using. And no matter who the audience is, I want to be very aware of phrases that have negative origins or may be triggering.
Here are just some of my pet peeves (a phrase originating in 1919) and why they just don’t fit in business (or any) communication where you strive to inspire, motivate, build community, connection, and clarity (and avoid litigation)…
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Creating New Pathways Through Disappointment
I was invited by a client to walk with her as she processed feelings of great disappointment. Through out our conversation she was able to turn this experience around from “I was a fool to get excited” to “This experience helps me better understand where I want to go next with my work. I am grateful.” But the bigger and even more valuable lesson was that she gets to choose the pathway she walks when things turn out differently than she hoped.
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Huh? Drop a hint?
Being clear with people about boundaries and what is needed (both personally and at work) is empowering them to be successful. Evidence shows hinting, and hoping people take hints, is highly ineffective. With hinting you actually take away the opportunity for others to show up effectively, while disempowering yourself by increasing your opportunity for anger and resentment.
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I Have To Be Able To Vent!
According to researchers, venting actually continues or recreates the same activity in our brain as anger does. The act of venting sustains that anger-based activity for longer periods of time. In other words, whatever yucky feelings you are experiencing (anger, disappointment, sadness) would have disappeared sooner had you not gone into venting mode.
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Does Play Make You Cringe?
Regardless of your play personality, when you are designing trainings or meetings or even teambuilding events, include opportunities for all the play styles. Not only will you have more engagement, you’ll also have participants who are more focused, innovative, connected and creative.
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