Do you ever walk away from a conversation wondering, “What happened? Why did I behave like that?” If you are human, it is likely you have been surprised by your own behavior. Maybe you lashed out at someone, or blamed them harshly, or even got mad and stormed off. It happens to all of us from time to time, when we react based on what I refer to as an emotional hotspot.
Read MoreIt has become disturbingly normal to dismiss and disconnect from people with whom we don’t agree. While this choice may feel comfortable in the short-term, it erodes our ability to thrive and survive as individuals and collectively. This will have a long-term negative impact on our society.
Read MoreI was a teacher-in-training in a high school English class. It wasn’t just any class but a class for students with emotional and behavioral challenges which prevented them from success in mainstream classes. I watched as all the previously raised hands were lowered and students tried to become invisible. She became exasperated and proceeded to tell them her perspective. Previously curious eyes now glazed over.
Read MoreWhatever you're thinking about is literally like planning a future event. When you're worrying, you are planning. When you are appreciating, you are planning. What are you planning?
Read MoreSleep is not a character trait. It is something we are born with the ability to do. Not because it is a luxury or a reward. Sleep is as vital as drinking water, eating, or even breathing. It is when your mind and body do their work to repair, nourish, and grow. Stop thinking about it and just sleep.
Read MoreBetween companies trying to lure employees back to the office and the current difficulty in recruiting and retaining employees, the rising cost of gasoline is not helping out. Many of my clients are trying to find creative ways to help employees reduce the financial burden of commuting to the office as the price of gas continues to go up.
Read MorePutting myself out there for feedback is uncomfortable, but the more you do it, the more comfortable it becomes. And now here I am again feeling a little uncomfortable. But this time, I didn’t wait for my team to push me, I initiated getting the feedback.
Read MoreWorkplace culture is made up of how employees treat each other in terms of willingness to be honest and kind in communication, willingness to hold themself and each other accountable, the behavioral norms we agree to, and the ability to have healthy conflict.
Read More"Lorinda" came to talk to me about a problem she was having with her boss. Just in the retelling of the story, she experienced the activation of an emotional hotspot. I gently asked open ended questions to help sort out the facts from assumptions, fears, projections, and emotions. There were a few times when her body language conveyed what I interpreted as frustration and anger.
Read MoreHow communication has evolved over the past several decades is creating a dangerous trajectory for our human existence. Working against us is our brain's innate desire to protect us from what it perceives as threats to our beliefs, values, and sense of self. This instinct protected us back in the days when the saber tooth tiger was trying to eat our babies. In today’s world, the majority of these threats are psychological not physical.
Read MoreThis week I’m talking to all of you out there who just want to make everyone happy. You know who you are. You are the person who says to me, “No. I didn’t give her feedback on that. I just don’t want to upset her. I don’t like making people unhappy.” You are one who tells me that you are doing everything you can to please grumpy coworkers and you are sick and tired of trying.
Read MoreIf the pandemic did nothing else it highlighted leadership strengths and weaknesses across all industries. One of the most critical leadership qualities, empathy, was arguably the leadership quality that sunk or elevated those in leadership positions. The evidence is clear that business and school leaders lacking this skill are struggling to retain their best employees. Why?
Read MoreNo matter what your role is in your organization, you can become someone who models reflective thinking, and help people get more comfortable with giving and receiving feedback. Here is one simple way that you can be the role model for reflective thinking.
Read MoreYour lens on the world is made up of your values, how you’ve been socialized and educated, your experiences, your culture and heritage, and even your communication style. All of which is informed by your biases.
Read MoreHave you noticed that you are receiving more and more work-related communications outside of working hours? As work-from-home situations have increased, so too have texts, phone calls, and emails during non-work hours. The boundaries that define work time and non-work time are becoming more cloudy. A combination of factors is causing work hours to spill into personal time.
Read MoreChange is happening rapidly, and things are changing for every single one of us. Like the weather, often the change is outside our control. We get stuck in “what was”. No matter how much I may want to stay hung up on “yesterday” in my mind, it is never possible to go back there. Not even on a day that replicates yesterday in so many ways. Because I’ve changed.
Read MoreIt seems that for some, workplace norms and expectations that were easily adhered to prior to the pandemic are now forgotten. Before the pandemic, people got to work on time, they maintained great boundaries between socializing and work time, and spent time consistently focused on work. Now it seems much of that has disintegrated.
Read MoreThe role of a leader is to hold the focus and the vision for the team. If the leader isn’t maintaining focus while communicating, the team just can’t follow. When you are leading it is essential to be clear on the direction you want the team to go, and use all the aides available to you to communicate that direction.
Read MoreMany of my clients contact me to talk about a specific negative trait in one employee or a snag in one process. As we talk through their concern, I become aware of how much mental real estate this challenge is taking up in their brain. They are spending so much attention and focus on wrangling this problem, that their focus is not on protecting all the things that are right. As a result, they are risking damaging what is already in great shape.
Read MoreI was a director who worked within a triad of three executives. Each one was strong-willed, opinionated, and took it quite personally when their ideas were not the ones that were agreed upon. It was quite possible that I could easily upset any of them at any time. I navigated this treacherous territory quite well. Coworkers often asked me how I managed to work with all three without making any enemies. I didn’t quite have the words to explain it until I read Tracy Bower’s Forbes article on agreeableness as a trait to gain success in your life and work.
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